Panning 'Fool's Gold' just makes sense
By Phil Villarreal
Pvillarreal@azstarnet.com
Tucson, Arizona | Published: 02.07.2008
All that glitters is Matthew McConaughey's chest sweat.
The slogging treasure-hunt- themed romantic comedy "Fool's Gold" sparkles in no other way. Little that happens makes any sense. Every joke lands with a thud. Comic violence veers into uncomfortably grotesque extremes.
Never did I think McConaughey and Kate Hudson would make a movie so awful it would make me look back fondly on their team-up in the wretched "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days," but here you go.
Director Andy Tennant ("Hitch") strings together scenes that relate to one another in no way, whiplashing the audience with jarring tonal shifts and unexplained changes in motivation. There's more continuity in an episode of "Teletubbies."
Bearing more cleavage than Tarzan, the ever-shirtless McConaughey plays rascalish adventurer Ben "Finn" Finnigan. He's partial to borrowing tens of thousands of dollars from rapper investors who own their own islands and then not repaying the debt, but he's a good chap at heart. He uses speedboats to retrieve lost hats, and sacrifices his own well-being for the safety of others. Finn would give you the shirt off his back, if not for, well. . . .
But his ex-wife, Tess (Hudson), is fed up with Finn. She looks at him with a sideways scowl, or would if Hudson were capable of an expression other than sunny joy. Tess is bitter but willing to go off with Finn on one last expedition to find a lost Spanish treasure ship.
Other than their on-and-off love affair and the horrid script, Finn and Tess have but one problem — no one to finance their sojourn. But wouldn't you know, Tess works as a yacht steward for billionaire Nigel Honeycutt (Donald Sutherland), and Finn happened to save a hat belonging to Nigel's bimbo daughter, Gemma (Alexis Dziena), so Nigel decides he may as well back them. He probably regrets the move once he suffers through their dopey banter and mood swings.
In one scene, Tess finds Finn dining with Gemma and Nigel, and she's so upset with the sight of her ex, she throws all the plates across the table. Soon after, she's at Finn's side making a pitch to Nigel.
At bedtime, Tess stands in the doorway to Finn's room, giving a soliloquy on how sorry she is for mistreating him. The setup is a telltale indicator that she'll glance up to notice Finn isn't in his bed and that she's been talking to no one, but after the reveal, it's never explained where Finn was.
Scenes are either missing, or the story wasn't thought through. If it's the former, credit Tennant for making the slow, painful film shorter than its already too-long 110 minutes. But inconsistencies in the rest of the movie make you think differently.
The villains, led by Finn's creditor, rapper Bigg Bunny (Kevin Hart), conveniently show up whenever Finn and crew are on the verge of a new breakthrough. They engage in unconvincing fights that always end with you shaking your head, going "really?" Such as when Tess manhandles Big Bunny, whacking him where it counts, and the thug makes a joke about it in the next scene. Or when Finn wins a fight by grabbing a bad guy's gun after a long wrestling match.
If the guy had a gun, why didn't he use it earlier? And why is it treasure that has to be buried, rather than this movie?
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