'Eragon' is unintentionally funny
By Phil Villarreal
Pvillarreal@azstarnet.com
Tucson, Arizona | Published: 12.14.2006
"Eragon" is based on a book by a 19-year-old with a script that seems to have been written by a 12-year-old.
Actually, four grown-up writers are credited with the screenplay, which gives everyone involved a decent enough alibi: "No, it wasn't me who wrote the dialogue — it was one of the other guys."
The only way "Eragon" works is as unintended comedy. Maybe someday midnight movie crowds will embrace the silly story of a dragon-riding farmboy as a "Scary Movie"-like parody of Tolkien-style epics. Anyone over the age of 3 is out of luck if they hope to enjoy the film as serious drama.
"Eragon" takes place in the fantasy land of Alagaësia, where dragons soar, wizards cast spells and clichés grow on trees. A misprogrammed android called Edward Speleers stars as Eragon, a boy who finds a dragon egg and discovers his destiny is to ride atop the fire-breathing beast that hatches from it and lead an army of rebels to overthrow an evil king.
When Eragon discovers his fate, thanks to helpful side characters who dole out paragraphs of long-winded exposition, his face contorts into a "shock" expression you might find in a middle-school drama. More believable looks of bewilderment can be found on the faces of your fellow viewers, who have confronted their destiny to endure 99 minutes of awful acting.
Hayden Christensen should send a thank-you note to Speleers, because the former young Darth Vader will no longer have to endure the full brunt of fanboy message board ire.
Eragon's activities involve squealing wrestling matches with his touchy-feely cousin, idiotic conversations with his doltish mentor, Brom (Jeremy Irons), and, most entertainingly, telepathic conversations with his pet dragon, Saphira, who is voiced by Rachel Weisz. When Eragon and Saphira "speak" to each other, it's the greatest.
The boy stares at the computer-rendered creature with a blank stare and closed mouth as his voiceover booms in the theater speakers. This is comical enough itself, but when Saphira talks back it's even better. There's something about a soft, feminine voice emitting from a fire-breathing monster that's inherently funny, like in those credit card commercials that satirize identity theft by having grandmas talk in husky truck-driver voices.
Even though Speleers is a poor actor, at least he can fall back on the excuse that he's quite possibly a robot. John Malkovich is genuine flesh and bones, but that doesn't stop him from playing evil King Galbatorix — can a character named Galbatorix be anything other than evil? — like an inflatable front-yard snowman decoration. To call Galbatorix a windbag would be an insult to the snowmen.
Director Stefen Fangmeier is a visual-effects supervisor who worked on "Terminator 2: Judgment Day," "Saving Private Ryan" and "Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World." As a director, Fangmeier is an excellent special-effects supervisor. And as a movie, "Eragon" is a good reason to stay home and watch TV.
